posting here a lot more now to try and keep me at least relatively sane while the entire goddamn world explodes around me. but you know, that's cool too.
team sukkah is definitely going to take up a lot of my time, especially in the weeks to come. we went out for hangover harvesting and picked tons of reeds that we're going to use as the wall of one of our two sukkahs. our two sukkot? whoops.
i get overwhelmingly nervous and desperate and embarrassed when i feel my phone buzz and know it's not going to be who i want it to be. this is the fucking worst. i still don't get what good this is going to do, since with each passing day i get increasingly frustrated and feel more and more helpless. maybe i'm too dependent and that's what this is supposed to make me realize.
at the same time, though, i don't want to fall back on the opposite end of the spectrum and decide i don't need him at all...even though right now i do hate that this is happening and hate how this is playing out and replaying and Questioning Fucking Everything. this entire fucking fiasco better fucking be worth it, bro, because i don't think it's helping my end of the relationship at fucking all.
