i 1000% forgot i had this blog until i was lurking my google plus page (also forgotten about until today), saw some pictures i had uploaded, and realized i uploaded them to here instead.

it's hard to believe that my last entry was about 3 years ago. it's wild to think how much i've been through since then.

if i can find a way to do this regularly, talk about things that are interesting, and reach a point where i'm happy with what i'm producing, that would be super killer. until then, here's a vague blog post about how i'm so shocked at how much stuff has happened in the past three years, etc etc.

things i have to do in the next two weeks:

first draft (7-8 pages), annotated bibliography, and outline of one paper.

8-10 page final draft of another paper.

8-10 page (or is it 10-15? fuck) final draft of a third paper.

come up with a concept for a sculpture to have done by the end of the semester.

I DO NOT WRITE THINGS. i can't figure out how to write 30 pages worth of stuff when i can barely write 5. it will be hard, and it will be miserable, but I WILL DO IT.

i also made haricots verts for thanksgiving. here is a picture, because they are delicious, and i'm still wildly impressed that i made them.

i can do this i can do this i can do this i can do this i can do this.

it's funny (and by that, i mean it's totally not funny) how one horrible nightmare can ruin the rest of your day.

i can't concentrate on anything and it's stressing me out.

to the small children who live below me:

i swear to god, i do not give a shit that you are small. STOP FUCKING MAKING SO MUCH FUCKING NOISE IN THE FUCKING HOUSE. there is LITERALLY A PLAYGROUND RIGHT OUTSIDE. YOU HAVE TO TAKE MAYBE TEN STEPS TO GET THERE.

stop fucking banging shit and screaming and running around inside or i swear to god i'm going to find a way to murder you. if this was only a weekend thing and it just disturbed my hangover, that's one thing. but ALSO GO TO SCHOOL THAT IS ILLEGAL TO NOT, YOU ARE NOT BEING HOMESCHOOLED UNLESS YOUR TEACHER IS DORA THE EXPLORER.

i hate them so much i want them to die

so this whole idea that i'm going to be able to fill up 8 to 10 pages talking about ONE SINGLE VASE is preposterous, to say the least.

i don't know what is on it and i don't know what any of it means and it sucks and doesn't look good and i want to go back down into the loeb and smash it.

academia and i don't seem to get along very well. i'm just going to go print more pictures of sad dogs.

last night i had a dream that my dogs came back because they knew i missed them.

not everyone could see, but if i walked into a room, they'd like manifest and greet me and promptly lay down at my feet and let me pet them and cry and hug them until i felt better. it was really nice. i wish that could really happen.

every time i walked into my house this october my heart would just fucking sink. i don't know how to react without them in my life. it's like they knew i had a bad day last night and helped me through it.

took senior portraits for two of my friends today.

my favorites are ones that can't be used for portraits, but oh well...more to bulk up my portfolio with, i guess?

i need to start taking more photos.

and developing.

and printing.

and doing my other work.

and stop knitting unless i'm going to do something for my thesis with it, but that's probably not going to happen.

WHY AM I CONSTANTLY SO UNMOTIVATED